shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
