first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
