I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
