I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
