Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
