just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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