I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
