brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
