I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
