apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
