I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
