I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
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