have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
