my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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