i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
