They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
