Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
