I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
