Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate

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(480): View more from Arizona

i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out

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(859): View more from Kentucky

i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.

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(559): View more from California

Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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(302): View more from Delaware

The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected

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(937): View more from Ohio

Just make sure you put pants on

(1-937): View more from Ohio

....then im not going

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