My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
