remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
