Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
