Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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