Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i drank out of a bidet.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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