Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize