We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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