I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
