You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
