you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
