apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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