so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
