Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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