My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
