see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize