So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
