gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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