u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
