oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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