I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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