Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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