Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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