so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
