Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
