He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
