he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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