My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
