watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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