i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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