alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm sobbing to NWA
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
