perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
