I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
