I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
