If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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