she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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