Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
