If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
