I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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