Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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