I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
