Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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