I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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