WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
