I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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