sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
