Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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