well you can't waste a boner
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sorry about my life...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
