He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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