god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
