check it out our google latitudes are spooning
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
