matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
