How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
