Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's the barista slut.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
